Grooming tactic

Narcissists use grooming techniques to get their target to a point of no return. They cajole, they flatter, and they prime the target’s expectations. In order to groom, the abuser needs to know what exactly the target is desperately wishing for. Then the N morphs him/herself into exactly that, breaks down the defenses of the target, and then latches on.

It sound insidious, doesn’t it?

I would have NEVER believed any of this was possible if I hadn’t lived through it. When I met my N, my family life was in turmoil and I had abandonment issues. He convinced me he was steady, stable, and really “got” where I was coming from.

He allowed me to express deep sadness and emotions that I didn’t even know where there. He made me feel beautiful, and loved, and wanted, and wonderful.

When things were going a bit south and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, we went to couples counseling together. Looking back I realized there was only one person speaking any kind of truth in that room with the counselor. My N was picking my brain — looking for more and more ways to morph himself into someone I wanted.

I’m getting physically ill typing this, and will probably revisit this post at some point. However, if grooming is something you’d like to read more about, please feel free to click on the quote below. It’s linked to an informative page on the topic of grooming.  It’s that information that got me started on this post to begin with.

Best wishes to you, dear warrior!

…. predator will identify and engage a victim and work to gain the target’s trust, break down defenses, and manipulate the victim until they get whatever it is they are after. Overt attention, verbal seduction (flattery / ego stroking), recruitment, physical isolation, charm, gift-giving, normalizing, gaslighting, secrecy, and threats are all hallmarks of grooming.

 

No cure

First learning that there’s no cure for NPD was heartbreaking. Despite his assertions that he wanted to ‘work on this’ and ‘do whatever it takes’ to keep our marriage together, it was an impossible task.

I came across this article that seems to support the assertion that there’s no cure for NPD.

It makes my heart sink, but the truth is better than living a lie or twisting myself into a pretzel.

Difference btw disorders: Borderline and Narcissistic

Key Difference: Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental condition in which people experience reckless and impulsive behavior, unstable moods and relationships. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a medical disorder in which people exhibit unstable and intensive emotions. The patient experiences an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority compared to others.

More information here.

What is Narcissistic Supply?

 

Narcissistic supply is anything in fact that shields the narcissist from feeling a sense of shame or abandonment, and this is an integral part of narcissism.  The narcissist needs narcissistic supply in order to preserve their fragile ego, and this can be provided by two distinct sources:-

1. Primary Narcissistic Supply provides all of the attention that the narcissist addict craves.  The nature of the attention can be experienced in either a public form (such as fame, celebrity, notoriety, or infamy etc.), or in a private form (such as admiration, flattery, acclaim, fear, repulsion etc.).    
2. Secondary Narcissistic Supply alludes to those people or things that provide supply on a regular basis (such as a spouse, children, friends, colleagues, partners, clients, etc.). This latter form of supply allows the narcissist to lead a more normal existence, it provides them with pride, financial safety, social distinction and the alliance that they need.

Read more here.

Smears

One of the reasons narcissists smear their victims, is their fear of being exposed.

The smear campaigns they wage are efforts to keep you in silence about their behavior and what they did to you.

When you are in the throes of the aftermath, this can be a very painful experience and the pain can be so great, that you are unable to fight back.

Break the silence!

Image

Narcs are so obsessed with image they endeavor to edit or “delete” reality when what it depicts is far less flattering towards the narc.

Thanks to After Narcissistic Abuse Facebook Page

Stripper

A narcissist sees beauty through their eyes only and then seeks to conquer, own & strip you of every last shred of it.